Fame, popularity, and the esteem of the crowd can be the acknowledged or unrecognized desire of most of us in our struggle towards self-acceptance and becoming who we truly are—and not who the crowds (or others) say we are. But as long as we crave the esteem and approval of others, so much of what we think, say, and do, will be conditioned by this desire and tend towards self-centeredness, self-focusing, and thus become self-serving. It is only as we gradually enter into possession of our true identify in Christ, that we break those heavy chains impelling us to seek a sense of personal worth in the positive opinions of others, and the favorable judgments they make about us. Until then, even our altruistic actions can be contaminated by this quest to win the approval and favor of others as a means to bolster a fragile sense of self—that house built on the shifting sand of others’ opinions and judgments about us.
In contrast, we have Jesus in today’s gospel. Pursued, as he was, by a large crowd because they saw the signs he was performing on the sick, Jesus sits down and, we are told, raises his eyes to see the large crowd approaching. However, rather than feeding his narcissistic pride and sense of self-importance and popularity, Jesus focuses, instead, on their need and their hunger. And although he could easily have produced enough bread and fish in an instant and out of nothing—thereby further enhancing his wonderworker status—he chooses, instead, to include the boy with the barley loaves and fish and, in multiplying these, feeds the crowd in a less dramatic and spectacular fashion. Nevertheless, this possible attempt to disguise the miracle taking place clearly fails, and we are told that the people soon saw and recognized the sign he had done. And then, realizing that they were going to come and carry him off to make him king, Jesus withdraws again to the mountain where he is alone.
This latter action of Jesus is one that needs to be distinguished from the person whose poor self-image and sense of worthlessness drives him/her, not into solitude, but into a despairing isolation and alienation from self and others. This withdrawal—unlike that of Jesus—is self-protective and desirous of avoiding the pain of self-confrontation that inevitably occurs in all our problematic relationships with one another. For, as we know, life’s relationships bestow a steady dose of both affirming and disapproving reactions and responses from others. Accordingly, it is imperative that we seek not only the adulation and esteem of others, but allow both the positive and negative reactions and responses of others to deepen our true self-knowledge. In this way we can then identify both our strengths and gifts, as well as our weaknesses and inherent flaws and sinful tendencies.
Then, as through ongoing conversion we gradually allow God’s grace to touch and heal our weakness, flaws, and sinful tendencies, our natural strengths and gifts, too, will be further enhanced and freed up to be generously shared with others—no longer serving to impress or win approval, but simply—like Christ—as an outpouring of his love which now fills our hearts.